Two and A Half Men Rant

Two and A Half Men has been a show that had been a rating bonanza for the CBS and all around the world. It's okay for you to enjoy the show as long as you think it is funny, but for me, I admit that I did watch the show for all of its eight seasons. And that confession is like one for not commiting yourself in a relationship. Or worst maybe it's when you're unable to witness charges of sex crimes.

RANT: Top Ten people who should never be in Hollywood... from now

2011 will never be a great year for movies because every movie chucked right at us are terrible and the people responsible for making these films is Hollywood. Hollywood used to be the epitome of what everyone wanted to be in the 20th Century. They want to be famous actors, directors making an income and clinging their Oscars. These days, I cannot imagine how it's free to be in Hollywood and do whatever you want with your movies no matter how bad it is and yet the studios don't even care. They're manipulating the public to such a sense of pleasure that it's hard to resist and dislike. They're damaging tastes and senses.

So here are the directors, actors, producers and people that makes up our entertainment industry who should take one step away from Hollywood.

10. Jennifer Aniston

I'm suprised that this actress, 40, is still doing movies when a) her personal life is being shoved down our throats through brief relationships and b) she plays the same character in every one of her movie. From 1994, she was considered a style icon revolutionising everybody's hair with the"Rachel"named after the character she plays in Friends. Now ever since Friends had it's finale and Aniston was dumped by Brad Pitt, she appears in countless rom-bombs like The Break Up, The Bounty Hunter and every movie starting with "The" I believe. And there's a pattern, no matter what movie she's in, she's seem to have an infactuation with her co-stars and the gossip mags get that from the fact that she's still an icon. Aniston, your time is up.



9. Michael Bay.

This dude is the most manipulative, misogynistic director I have ever heard. Look at his films like Bad Boys, Pearl Harbor and Transformers and you know what you get. This dude's bring his inner frat boy to life by bringing up explosions from tanks, robots and girls running with cleavage simultaneously. When he thinks we're about to walk out, he puts in an emotionally setimental scene that had us by the end saying "best movie ever" which is what every kid at my high school say and thinking he's the best director yet. And also he's the highest earning director with $500 million. That's a joke.

Ben Affleck, Scarlett Johansson had regrets with making films with you and so did Shia Labeouf. Even apologising for making the atrocious sequel to Transformers doesn't help. No wonder Megan Fox had went out...


8. Megan Fox

... which automatically makes her into this list as well. I don't get the whole hotness of her. Her face constantly change from eyelid surgery and since how did he become the attention of our dumb youth. Lindsay Lohan was better than her for crying out loud, in terms of acting (they both appear in Confessions Of A Drama Queen). Seeing that her latest films Jonah Hex and Passion Play both bombed critically and commercially, shows a true testament that a) she's not an actor b) we had enough of her and c) that she has no potential in show business given her negligable talent. But I still cannot believe that boys are still going gaga for her. What is wrong with them. There are better actresses currently working who are also hot at the same time (Zooey Deschanel, Natalie Portman, Jennifer Lawrence, Blake Lively are some examples)


7. Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer

God, do you have to bring these two nutjobs here and let them do whatever they want with no order. Keeping in fact they both turned into a franchise with every dead parody movie coming with Meet The Spartans, Disaster Movie, and Epic movie become box-office hits having a hint of what's popular and then putting it in their movies, I was frustrated and it wasn't funny at all. I had the same feelings when they release Vampires Suck, the Twilight parody. Not only did I felt so angry when it made Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World a disaster, but made Twilight more special to the haters in a good way. There's an online petition to make these two stop filming. I'm signing it right now.

6. Miley Cyrus

 This so-called "singer" is starting a movie career when she already had a film based on her TV show Hannah Montana with The Last Song, then after that film, which is deservedly bashed, she smokes a bong and the next thing you'll know she will be appearing in the sequel The Last Bong. This girl came from Disney. What do you expect from these kids? They do the most stupid thing taking nude photos and drugs which is what she's doing at the moment. This girl can't sing and "Party In The USA" is supposed to be the dumbest anthem I've ever listened. She's a talentless nobody and 20 years from now we will regret for liking this girl. A message to her: you have all the money in the world and yet you spend the fame on shit. Now I'm going to scorn about Cyrus when she's coming to Australia.


5. Charlie Sheen

Recently the most creepiest rambling from this attention-seeking whore was when he asked Mila Kunis to become one of his goddesses. His goddesses are two porn stars and to tell you the truth the only way that we are going to stop Sheen is to ignore him no matter what kind of philosophy this whore will tell you. I had enough of Sheen when he's still not changing his ways from being both a junkie and a whore before and after Two And A Half Men. The dude had some potential in the 80s as this up and coming actor performing from Platoon to Wall Street. Now he's on a tour for no apparent reason other than to overly justify how he's winning. Why do some people feels that Sheen is an inspiration to their lives? Is it because living you life as an asshole is fun. Picking up girls is cool. Mr. Sheen, you're just a train wreck who couldn't stop.

4. The Academy members

The Academy had never been right for so long. OK. I confess. I was disappointed that The King's Speech won over The Social Network over the Oscars. The reason why TKS won was because of the voters and how they love feel good movies. These voters do not belong to the Academy but do they know anything about movies? No. This reminds me of how Forrest Gump tramped Pulp Fiction and how Crash won over Brokeback Mountain. Would TKS be considered one of the greatest movies of all time just because it won Best Picture. No.

3. Rob Schneider

I don't understand why this douche is given a lifetime free pass to let him do whatever he thinks its funny. COS IT'S NOT! Just because he work with Adam Sandler frequently doesn't help out. Schneider brings in all of the lowest forms of humor that is not only unfunny, but cruel as well.

Have you seen I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry where Schneider plays an Asian priest who conducts gay weddings? That's just brutal. When I saw Male Gigalo, probably his directorial debut, I just don't get it. Schneider should never be entitled as a director, a screenwriter or an actor because like Friedberg and Seltzer he brings in the utterly pointless and dastardly stupid to movie goers.


2. Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian is torture. She's only made famous because of a sex tape that was released and now it's too much. She's appearing in every magazine that's in existence. What next? Time magazine? What makes her so good is that her reality show Keeping Up With The Kardashians isn't popular like the Jersey Shore in which they're both the same show except that Kardashian and her sisters (who are the B-grade versions of her) do not start up a fight. I can't believe idiots would go searching for her ass online which is just so unimportant to Western civilisation. And appearing in every award ceremony with her big dress (no pun intended) just skims the limelight to actors whose there to show their graceful acting talent. And you lady got nothing. Appearing in Disaster movie does not start off your acting career.



And finally the NO.1 douche to take one step off Hollywood is...


Harvey Weinstein

This prick here comes to Hollywood to produce movies that are supposed to be good. I loved Pulp Fiction, one the few films in his resume as a 'producer' with the clever direction and script of Quentin Tarantino and such. Pulp Fiction was the only film I liked that has this dude credited. It would've won Best Picture had Forrest Gump didn't exist as a movie (by the way, I actually like that movie). But it's 1999 and Weinstein bribed every dumb voter of the Academy a luxury of lifestyle so that his film, Shakespeare In Love, one of the few movies served as producer, would win Best Picture over Saving Private Ryan. Why?

What bags me out about the Oscars is that for five years straight, no Hollywood film had won the Best Picture. The last film to do so was Martin Scorsese's The Departed which was made by Warner. Weinstein just comes to Hollywood to entertain the voters so they can reward his movies to the maximum amount. He may be revolutionizing how the Oscars would pick which ones are the best and it's usually arthouse junk. In 2009, you're responsible for sunbbing WALL-E and The Dark Knight at the Oscars for Best Picture. The Academy had enough of you so that's why they doubled the number of Best Picture nominees.

But it's the 83rd Academy Awards that captures everything I hate about Harvey Weinstein. The King's Speech, which he was an executive producer had won over The Social Network (which should've won Best Picture and Best Director, talking about social media and how it changes people lives for the better or worst). The Oscars is supposed to be about rewarding films based on its artistic aspects and entertainment. Because of this, I retract praise for TKS except for the outstanding performances of its cast. The Academy probably voted for that film only because it was a feel-good film and they are 57. But maybe because WEINSTEIN just gave them the same luxurious lifestyle to these dumbasses who don't know anything about movies. Harvey Weinstein is corrupting Hollywood because of his campaigns that has nothing to do with the greatness of his films.

People I wouldn't put on the list, but are close to being part of Hollywood.


The cast of Jersey Shore
Justin Bieber
Lindsay Lohan
Uwe Boll
Paris Hilton
Jennifer Lopez
Adam Sandler
Perez Hilton

Charlie Sheen Vs. The World

Over the past three weeks the world had been reading and watching the news of Charlie Sheen's manic behaviour. His dictonomous lifestyle had been circulating rumors that he would be voluntarily leaving the you-should-come-to-the-priest-once-you-seen-it show Two And A Half Men. The rumours were as close as it is. Instead, about half a week later, Warner Bros. decided to axe the show because of his behaviour.

Later, Sheen has his back hatchet running still. Simultaneously at the day where Natalie Portman won her Oscar and the Oscar hosts had backfired (there was a Sheen joke during the telecast), he starts up rants about the Two And A Half Men creator (also the maker of Big Bang Theory) Chuck Lorre calling him an 'earthworm', appeared in 60 Minutes-styled interviews, and just after that started his Twitter which he instantly gained more 2 million followers in the process in which he broke the world record for gaining more followers in the fastest time. At the same time as he got his Twitter and started a slap fight with American film critic Roger Ebert, the dude turned bizzarre as his ramblings turned into a philosophy. He managed to have his vocabulary more prominent with terms like "tiger blood" and "winning" (a literal term) into our cultural bibles. But this is where we get more annoyed by him. He starts off his own webcast along with a bunch of posers he claim to be his mates. Nobody watched that podcast because, repeat, we get more annoyed by him.

Charlie Sheen thinks he's above the world where his notorious lifestyle doesn't make him the only one gaining it. He's the Hollywood version of Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi who is currently charged of underage sex with a minor. Both are "public figures" who have a lot in common where their I-don't-care playboy lifestyle becomes more prominent by the minute. Berlusconi however doesn't do lines of coke nor drink 3 bottles every 24 hours. But he does bring in girls at their early 20s to social parties and into politics. And like Sheen brings out his own philosophical quotes

Throughout the week, I had used the words 'attention seeking whore' twice during the week and I may say it again to people who gets into our head for all the pointless reasons. Once for describing a teen sensation over his malignant political views and quoting 'rape happens for a reason' and given he's everywhere. now I can describe Sheen with those three words. He's a crude and hedonistic misogynist and the more he's exposed to the media, the more he's easily off the hook.

Sheen used to have some potential when he was 20th Century Charlie Sheen where he's the son and brother of veteran actors Martin Sheen and Emilio Estevez. He was appearing in movies like platoon or Wall Street with Michael Douglas. So far he had snorts 8148 lines of cocaine each month, earns less that a million dollars for each episode in Two And A Half Men, and slept with 5000 women. And so far if his father or the member of the Brat Pack is watching, they would have hanged their heads in shame.

In reference to the title, Charlie battle against the world watching him. Like Scott Pilgrim, he would have to face seven evil exes in his life, but when first heard of it, he would skim it. The dude would feel great as tiger blood would keep him winning. Kanye West had once said:

"Champaigne wishes, thirty white bitches, man that shit is fucking ridiculous"

IF Sheen was to be Oscar Wilde, then he will learn that he was wasted on the young.